Tuesday Topic: Latent Love

Barbara-Helen Hill shares a bluegrass festival love story and the dreams that followed.

Written by Barbara-Helen Hill

I met a man named Lloyd one October. My friend Sharon and I drove to Ohio for the Bluegrass Reunion. It was my first time at the festival, a warm October Friday night, and I heard a band playing with Lloyd singing in amongst the trees surrounded by campers and campfires. Sharon and I stood watching and listened for about an hour until they quit for the night.

Later that afternoon, we visited for a while, and I complimented him on their performance the night before. Then, I walked around from jam session to jam session at different campsites, and whenever I saw him, I would stand and listen for a long time. He had a beautiful baritone voice.

The Bluegrass Festival happened twice a year.

For eleven years in a row, we would see each other there on those weekends. When we arrived at the campground and saw each other, there were welcoming hugs. But we could never have a relationship because he was married. All we could do was gaze at each other across the fire.

Then Sharon passed away, and for three years I traveled with other friends. I didn’t see him anymore, the campground folded, and he stopped driving that far due to arthritis in his hands. I was busy caring for my elderly aunt and uncle by that time, but I kept remembering and thinking of him and wishing there was a way to contact him.

I wanted to move from my place of residence, so I put it out to the universe. Often, I thought of taking a vacation and driving to where he lived, hoping I could find him, but it was just a fantasy.

One night during this time, I had a dream.

I was looking out the door and across the yard where I lived, and I saw a construction site not quite finished near my friend Pat’s house. Later that day, when I told Pat what I saw in my dream, she said she didn’t want any construction in her yard. I said no, there wasn’t going to be construction in her yard. I was being told that my new place to live wasn’t quite ready yet, but it would be soon. Soon is a relative term. I was excited and kept looking forward.

A few weeks later, I dreamed that there was a new construction site. I was inside a new home, looking out from where a lady lived. Someone called me to come outside, and Lloyd was there to see me. I went outside into the bright sunshine saying that yes, I’d go outside, but I wasn’t going anywhere with him, and there on the sidewalk in his regular plaid short-sleeved shirt and his fedora was Lloyd. He was smiling, and I smiled at him – so glad to see him.

You see, I had been told a long time ago that when you see someone in your dream that you love and he or she holds out their hand, don’t go with them because that means you will die. That’s probably a superstition, but when you’re a little kid, and someone you trust tells you that, well… I wasn’t going to test their theory.

I would often check for his name online.

There would be the usual music information but nothing new. Then one day, I saw his obituary. It was a terrible shock for me. There was a distant love between us because he lived in the southern states, and I lived in Ontario, Canada. I kept checking for him, and one day I did come across the obituary for his wife. But I was dumb-struck when I saw his. I wasn’t expecting it.

About a week or two later, I had another dream. In this dream, it was nighttime. Dark but not total black because there were campfires and lights that seemed to be from campers or motorhomes, like at the campground where my friend Sharon and I would go for bluegrass festivals. I was standing near the campfire, listening, and I saw Lloyd come up to me. He was dressed in his dark blue bomber jacket and ball cap and said to me, “I have to go now,” and I just nodded and said okay as he walked away into the dark and disappeared. I knew that he was gone.

I believe that he came to tell me that he helped me get my new place, so I could live where I would be comfortable, and then he was moving on. With all three dreams, it was like I was right there with him, and I could see and feel that love.

It was about a month later that I got a call from the housing department, and they had an apartment for me. I took it and moved in.

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Have you ever dreamed of latent love? Of someone you loved but couldn’t be with? Share your dreams, thoughts, or comments with the community by clicking the box.

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Barbara-Helen Hill is an author and artist. Her book “Shaking the Rattle; Healing the Trauma of Colonization” is available on Amazon and Kindle.

(Photo by PriscillaDuPreez)